I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
