My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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