its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
