New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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