just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
