i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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