I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
