My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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