Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
