I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
