i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
