you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just want to make out with him forever
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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