i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
