it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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