Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
