And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
