I accidentally had phone sex last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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