dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
