I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
