I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
