Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
