I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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