just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
