I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
