Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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