dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
