You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
