He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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