Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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