I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
