look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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