my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
