Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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