What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
