i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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