he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
