Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
