This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
