Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
