I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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