I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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