I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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