my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
