I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
