We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
