Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
