I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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