Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
