did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
