I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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