I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
