Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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