all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
